What I miss…

Like most university students I moved away from home. This was after I stayed at home and travelled for the first year, and then decided it wasn’t for me. But for the two years that I lived in Sheffield, I honestly loved it. I loved having my own space, with my own freedom to do whatever I wanted no matter what time it was. I mean don’t get me wrong, I did miss seeing my family everyday…but I had so much more independence. I can even say I enjoyed being able to do my own washing…how weird is that?

I even fell in love with Sheffield itself. It had so much to offer than my hometown. Better jobs, better atmosphere, better theatres, everything. In a way because I’ve returned home now, I yearn for this freedom I had never experienced before going to university. I’d love to move out again no matter where I moved to…but it’s a bit hard when you’re attempting to save for other things like travelling, not to mention having to fix a broken car. In some ways I feel like my life’s on hold a bit…but sacrifices must be made I guess.

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What are you excited about?

Right now in all honesty I’m not really excited for anything…I could say travelling next year but right now, money wise, I don’t even really know if I’m going to be able to afford it. The only thing I can really guess at, is that I’m excited for the future in some way. This could be more of a nervous excitement though, because I don’t really know where I’ll end up, or what I’ll be doing. People sometimes ask “Where do you think you’ll be in 5 years time?” And I never know what to say. I don’t really know where I’ll be. My life’s a bit up in the air…The future always changes. Nothing’s ever really set in stone. So right now I’m just excited to see what’s round the corner…hopefully something good.

“I guess you could say not everything’s ‘plane’ sailing… ;)”

The struggle…

I’ve written about this before, but Depression is something I’ve struggled with in the past. It effects many people all over the world, and most of us keep it hidden due to the stigma that is attached to it. For me depression is a weird one because it comes back out of the blue with no real warning, and no definite way to send it away again. I think I’m always going to struggle with it in one way or another and that’s just something I’ve grown to accept. What helps though is having people around to help and talk to about it. I know for some people it’s hard to understand but it’s a topic that’s very confusing and unless you’ve experienced it or even seen it first hand…you can’t really compare. Like I said though its different for everyone, but if you know someone with depression the only thing you can do is be there for them…that’s all.

Ryan Gosling once told me…

Okay so he didn’t literally tell me this…he rather said it through his character on the film The Notebook…but it still applies!!! He said,

“You can’t live your life for other people. You’ve got to do what’s right for you, even if it hurts some people you love.”

This is something I think a lot of people need to hear. As humans we spend a lot of time not enjoying life as we are trying to please other people around us. Maybe that’s by doing a job you don’t love, living somewhere you don’t love, or the worst one being with someone you don’t love. No matter what the situation, it can apply. For me this is travelling, as I’ve said over and over again. I could get a better job, be on more money, eventually move out, get a better car, and overall a better life. But right now…that isn’t for me (as silly as that sounds).

I want to get out into the world and explore every inch of it, or at least as much as I can. I need to do that for me. I need to experience it. I need to be free…at least for a while. Sometimes we get a little too wrapped up in what we are ‘supposed‘ to do, and not what we ‘want‘ to do. So my aim with this post is to attempt to encourage anyone reading to do what’s right for you! You have your whole life to please other people, but right now “do you, for you”.

Moving Onwards and Upwards

For a few months now I’ve been waiting for something to happen at work…a promotion. But in life, we don’t always get what we think we are going to get. In a way I’m angry about that. Not because I lost out on the opportunity, but because it held me back from doing other things that would have made me happier. By now if I had left this job when I had the chance, I could have probably already saved up some money I needed to go travelling. Which of course is annoying. Never the less, eventually we always end up on the road we belong on…That road for me is travelling, and creating.

In a way I’m glad this happened, because after all everything is a learning experience. I have more skills now then what I did. I had more time to think things over in terms of where I want to go. I also had more time to realise that I have other options that I didn’t even know existed. So there are ups and downs to the situation I’ve found myself in.

Anyway to kickstart my ‘new lease of life’ as I’m calling it. I have decided I am opening up my own horizons; and the first step of this is by claiming I am a photographer. Just to say I am being truthful when doing so…I know I said claiming but that’s just because I know I’m nowhere near as professional as those who are actual photographers. I’ve set up a new instagram page soley for this purpose, and also a Facebook page so I will leave links if anyone’s interested. That’s all for now 🙂 I just needed a little rant and a boost.

P.S I used to be just a man…now I am a man with a plan!

P.P.S (Just for clarification I am in fact a woman) 🙂

FaceBook: https://www.facebook.com/NJOramPhotography

Instagram: njo_photography

WARNING! New Driver Alert!

I’ve been driving just over a month now, and I’m finally realising that what people said was actually true. You don’t really gain driving experience until after you pass your test. Sure you can know how to drive correctly. Pushing all the right buttons, at the right times. Checking your mirrors for overtaking, or just for people constantly on your ass. But once you’re in a car all by yourself, with no one talking in your ear…then and only then you realise what driving is really like.

I’m going to be honest with you the first month after passing my test was pretty scary. The first hiccup was the car. It’s an old car, with a difficult biting point. One which took the whole first month to actual master to some degree and understand what to do and when to do it. This led to my first embarrassing moment of being stuck on a tiny hill with no way of getting up it (at least no way for a new driver in an old car). I ended up having to reverse back down it after letting three cars go around me. Not the nicest way to ease myself into driving alone.

The second hiccup was lanes on new roads. I tried to push myself as fast as possible as I was already behind a lot of my friends in the ‘art’ of knowing how to drive. So I went onto roads I’d never driven on before in my lessons to get to the closest shopping centre that was near my home. Ahh which leads us onto embarrassing moment number two. Being stuck at the front of a queue trying to change lanes at the last-minute isn’t great. And with the number of annoyed drivers around you, staring at you in a despising way it doesn’t seem to make you feel better either. Luckily no one knew me.

The third hiccup was motorways. Now this has to be the worst thing so far. I mean overall it is just a straight route. The only thing that worries me is that the faster you go, obviously the worse off you be in an accident. Which is why I do my best to do everything right when I’m on a motorway. Abide by the speed limit, keep the right distance from other cars, and take care while changing lanes. But when a massive lorry decides to move over in front of me in the slow lane, after a late indication and leaving around about a 5 inch gap, it makes it a bit harder. And this is my issue. I can do my best to do everything right on a motorway, but I can’t control other people’s actions…and let’s face it…there’s some right idiots out there!

Ahh on the upside, I am loving being able to drive. The freedom, the opportunity, the control. I can go anywhere, whenever I want. So I guess this is the start of my life as a roadtripper…lets see where I end up…

A Desperate Heart…

“A desperate heart will seduce the mind” – Mitch Albom

I know I’m going back to Mitch Albom once again, but I honestly love his work. I think he is so smart, and speaks so much truth. For me Mitch Albom is my Morrie Schwartz.

When reading ‘The Time Keeper’ this quote in particular hit me the hardest. I haven’t always been the best version of myself, neither have people around me. But in times of need we lead ourselves to believe we deserve the love we get. When in reality that love could be fake or even doing more harm than good. I know all advice in life starts with the saying ‘follow your heart’ but to be honest your heart isn’t always right. Especially when its fragile or even being manipulated.

In the start of a relationship sometimes you can see it as an escape from bad stuff in other areas of your life…but at some point it can change. Maybe to the extent of the relationship having the opposite effect, and can even do more emotional damage rather than be emotional support. And this can of course be due to a number of reasons. I mean no situation is exactly the same. This ties into a different quote… “We accept the love that we think we deserve.” 

For some reason at some point in life, our minds may tell ourselves that we aren’t good enough. Whether it’s a physical thing or a mental thing. It can happen, and it may not even give you any warning (which of course sucks). You might just not have any self-confidence in yourself, leading you to choose to stay in that situation because of fear. I know you may think choice doesn’t come into it when it’s up against a fear. Fear you won’t find better, fear you aren’t good enough for anyone or anything but you are. If you spoke to friends or family they would tell you exactly that. You are good enough, you are better, and you should never, ever allow anyone to make you feel like your not.

The main point of this post is you have to realise. That’s the first step. Realise you’re in a bad situation and be brave enough to get yourself out of it and get back on the road to recovery. It could be a case that it isn’t even that bad of a situation, and there could be a solution to make the situation better… but If you think you can relate to this post in any way, listen to me when I say this you deserve better. So don’t let your desperate heart seduce your mind, it might be hard at first but you aren’t alone at all. There will be a whole support system you just haven’t uncovered yet.

That’s just my take on the quote anyway, everyone’s view will be different…maybe I thought too much into it *blushes*. Ohh well 🙂