A reason why I love films…

One thing that becomes more and more clearer over the many years of watching films, is that films can unmask you. I’m not talking about the world knowing the truth about my life as batman… I’m talking more about emotions.

In my life so far I’d like to think I’ve covered majority, if not all of the girly RomComs out there. And let’s face it a RomCom doesn’t seem complete with a tear jerking moment in it, that reduces you to a blubbering mess in a matter of seconds. And that’s exactly the moment I’m talking about.

In a way because I love films so much I’d like to think there’s a lot of psychology behind the whole process, from the film you choose, to the ‘moment of impact’. Your emotions can make you do things subconsciously before you even realise what’s happening. So normally if i choose a lovey dovey film it’s either because I want to have the faith ‘the one’ is out there and is coming for me…or it’s because I’m having mental problems with people in my life…and by mental problems I normally mean me overthinking all of the wrong things.

But in a way that’s the beauty of these films. It can take your mind off the rest of the world, but at the same time also make you realise one of two things…either your a complete mess right now and you need to get your shit together. Or it can make everything seem so much clearer. Like you’ve just run into a brick wall with all the answers on.

Either way I have to admit I do enjoy both sides of it, sometimes everyone needs a little four hour cry to wake themselves up to push in the right direction…don’t they?

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To die in a dream…

A few nights ago…I had a dream.

Now unlike majority of my dreams, this one had a historical background… It was set in Nazi Germany. Now, I love history but the bad thing about this, was that I was a Jew.

The dream began underground, in a similar setting to the London Underground except it was darker and unkept. I was surrounded by loads of other Jews, all of different ages showing a range of emotions. We began being led to what seemed to be two elevator shafts in which groups of Jews were being crammed into. Once we were in the lift we were then made to watch a propaganda movie to distract us, while the lift either moved upwards to a few more days of freedom or down to a dreaded gas chamber.

While waiting anxiously, the propaganda film came to an end and the lift doors began to open. Thankfully the lift had gone up to ‘freedom’, we all scuttled out like rats in a sewer, but the worst was not over. We followed the damp corridor down towards the exit, when from the distance I noticed that the next section, which was similar to airport security where the Nazi’s required a barcode which was imbedded into the skin of Jews.

I looked down at my arms, searching for a barcode. I couldn’t find one, I began to panic thinking that I would never escape back out into the real world without one. I  looked around to see if anyone could help me to get a barcode, failing that I began to run searching for an alternate exit…and that’s when I realised I was beginning to be chased by Nazi’s with guns trying to shoot me.

In that moment I then realised that I was in a dream…but I couldn’t wake myself up and bring myself out of it. I began to think to myself, what if i get shot right now? What if I die and can’t return back to reality. What if my body goes into some sort of coma due to my mind being killed in my imagination? Is that even possible?

All I know is that dreams are weird, and when they get weird my thought process gets weird… nevertheless I still enjoy dreaming…

Foundation…

Now normally I love shopping. However one thing I actually hate to buy is… foundation. There’s just so many choices, all for different skins types, in a mass variety of shades and colours, and majority of them costing quite a bit to a girl who can only get part time jobs (not through choice).

Now I think a lot of guys reading this could believe there’s a simple solution to this problem. Just don’t buy it! But there’s so many reasons why we feel we must. For example to make ourselves feel better. I mean most days majority of women can’t just roll out of bed and look ‘hot as hell’. For some of us it takes a little bit more than that.

Anyway getting back into what I was talking about, the whole process of finding a brand new foundation after deciding you fancy a change from your ‘normal’ foundation is just all in all stressful. Yes you can do research before going to the shops, because after all the internet is packed full of blog reviews, vlog reviews and even just shop reviews. But that just isn’t enough! Reading a review online and having the product at hand are two completely different things. I mean I do the swab test (on the back of my hand) and sometimes even that’s not helpful. It’s as if the product changes from the time you put it on the back of your hand, go to purchase it, and then get it home! Before you know it that’s £9 you’ve wasted on a product you hate.

Am I the only on who has this thought process? Is there no solution to this nightmare….or am I just being a massive girl?

Ughhh! *exhales* Rant over!

Life or a dream?

Do you ever take a moment in the day and wonder…am I dreaming?

Maybe it’s due to dreaming about a real life situation the previous night. Or maybe its due to walking through life, like a mindless zombie…Not living life the way we should…With adventure and excitement.

We all have hopes and dreams of what we want for ourselves. What we want from life. As I’ve said before…this has never really been clear for me. I have options in mind, but no definite answer. All I know at the minute is that I don’t want to be here. I want to get out into the world and explore the land we’ve been given. There’s so much to see and do, and while I’m stuck here…well basically…I’m just stuck.

Alternatively it may be because sometimes I can control my dreams…Or maybe it’s because sometimes I have little control over my day…

Whatever the reason, it’s time to stop dreaming and start living. Live the adventure!…Just a thought.

Learn from yesterday, live for today, hope for tomorrow. The important thing is not to stop questioning. – Albert Einstein.

Career? What Career?

Career: An occupation undertaken for a significant period of a person’s life and with opportunities for progress…

When you reach a certain age, the question that people will begin to ask you is…so what do you want to do with your life? It seems that people expect you to know this for definite by the time you leave college, and definitely by the end of university!

For me…this seems to have always been a problem. I’ve never been that bothered about a career. I obviously know I need to have one to earn money in order to survive. But I’ve just never been focused enough to find one I am really passionate about. Yeah I’m passionate about drama. Devising my own performance, even occasionally writing a script. But as many of us know that’s a difficult area to get into, with many different directions to go in. It just comes down to choosing.

I’ve worked in cafe’s since I was 16. I know a lot about coffee and working for Starbucks also expanded my knowledge on this. But every so often I think a change needs to be made. A change to try something new, experience something different. I think this may be a reason why I have never been that career focused. I always like a change. Which is all fair enough…until someone asks you what you want to do. Then you are just left with their confusion and shock of how you don’t know.

Some people seem to have it all figured out, others think its okay to find your way later on. But they don’t seem to understand the frustration and need for me to be able to figure it out now. I know I won’t be able to and that all I can do is try. But to be perfectly honest…it sucks.

Judging Others

Wherever we are in the world, whether it’s out and about or just sat at home watching the television we judge others. The main question I’m going to give my opinion on is…why? Why do many of us judge, when we know nothing about them and probably won’t even see them again? I think the main reason is simply…because we don’t understand.

Yesterday I was on the bus, and in front of me was a woman in her 50’s. She was quite good looking, but overall an everyday person. Now I’m not especially a ‘nosey’ person, but when someone continuously repeats a routine none stop the whole journey you tend to take notice. The routine wasn’t exactly a unusual thing to do for a woman. Stroking her hair to one side, flicking it back then shuddering. But like I said after repeating it over and over again for at least 30 minutes, you notice it and begin to think it’s odd…which is the start of you judging them. Now I know majority of people will automatically think judging others is rude or even cruel…but doesn’t that in itself suggest they are also being judgmental by assuming?

The way I see it is overall there are two different types of judgmental people. On one hand you have the ‘judge a book by it’s cover’ people. It’s simple, it’s quick, it’s easy and it may even make you feel better about yourself in a way. But on the other hand you have the people that think a bit further into it. The people that consider the fact that they don’t know anything about this persons background, their life or even their mental or physical state. Now you may believe this is thinking a bit too far into it, but this also gives this person the option to widen their own knowledge and even give them the curiosity they need to look into what may have been wrong or what made the person the way they were. That’s the way I prefer to look at it anyway, hopefully other people do…but maybe that’s just me seeing the world through rose tinted glasses.

“In this moment, it is not wise to judge with your eyes” – Mitch Albom, The Time Keeper.