What am I doing?

Ok so you may or may not have noticed that I haven’t posted a blog for a while, and there is a reason for this. Maybe not a great reason…but a reason none the less. That reason is that I’m trying to figure out what I want from life right now.

Being a 22 year old with no relationship and no real career can be a bit confusing. I have never been career minded. I’d have loved to have been, as I’d know exactly what I wanted to do and how to achieve it…but no point in dwelling on it. I have thought about it briefly before but I’ve never had a real wake up call until the other day, when I found out I might be losing my job (through no fault of my own I may add).

It has come to the time where my boss has decided he needs to make a change in the business. That change being he needs a full time supervisor, however to accommodate that…he needs to lose someone else on full time hours i.e: me. Now this may seem simple, I’m losing my job…find another one. But It’s not as simple as that…he doesn’t know when this will happen, as he still needs to find the full time supervisor. So my days seem limited there… I just don’t know how much time I have. I’m in no way angry with my boss, because after all you have to do what you need to for the sake of your business but anyway this lead me to the following thoughts…

I am 22. No significant other. No flat. And soon to be no job. The world is my oyster as they say…so what to do? I could find another job near my home, one with good hours, a good wage…which would then lead to me probably getting a flat, and maybe eventually a partner. OR I could think of this as a escape. With no real ties here (other than my family of course) I could leave the country for a bit. Get a job abroad and travel the world a bit, like I had planned to. I mean if I’m going to do it eventually, why not now? What’s stopping me? Providing I can figure out a way to either keep my car or end my finance on it I could go.

It’s just a big decision to make. A lot of things to take into consideration, but plenty of potential to finally do something that I will love. So that’s where I am right now. Just an update I guess, and to empty my head for a bit…

Where are your eggs?

Easter is the only time of the year, when it is perfectly safe to

put all of your eggs in one basket!

The origin of this quote of course comes from the saying “Don’t put all your eggs in one basket.” Meaning that we shouldn’t focus all out energy or money or even our future onto one thing.

Which in my opinion is true…you never know what the future will bring, things might not pan out the way you hoped. But saying that you don’t want to live your life never taking risks, as it might be that one time you do risk everything that your dreams actually come true.

It’s a hard life, for some more that others. But I think the main thing to remember is that life is all about taking risks, we make mistakes and then we learn from them…just maybe have a back up plan just in case?

Live life to the fullest!

Dream as if you’ll live forever. Live as if you’ll die tomorrow.

– James Dean.

This is one of the very first quotes I fell in love with. It’s something I personally constantly need to improve on. I waste so much time just doing things that pass the time and mean nothing to me, or give me any personal pleasure. I want to live, and experience and just enjoy life. I tend to put things off, saying I’ll do it tomorrow, or I’ll start tomorrow. I need to get into the habit of living for now. Why wait? Live as if you’ll die tomorrow, no need to regret then…

Happy Being Alone

In the beginning in most cases we’re never alone. As babies, as toddlers, as children we aren’t alone. But then as soon as you become older, your left alone in the big bad world. Which is fine and nice but then after a while you begin to think about it. Are you happy being alone with your own company?

For some people this is quite easy, free at last in a sense. But for others it can prove to be hard. A few of my friends have gone from relationship to relationship and it makes me think, is it just because you don’t want to be alone? I mean I’ve been single for a while now, so yeah I can see the appeal of wanting to be with someone because your bored or yourself and want something different again. But then I can also see the other side of it.

For me when I first ‘fell in love’ that was everything. It’s was new, exciting…but to be completely honest I lost myself. I got so into the relationship that I didn’t know what it was like to just be me anymore. That was the hardest thing. Now I’m not saying I’m completely anti-relationship now because of it, but it makes you a bit more wiser I guess.

So overall I think what I’m trying to say is you need to be happy alone, so that you don’t lose yourself. I know everyone’s different mentally but for me that was something that happened, and it is hard to come back from it. But it’s a lesson to learn!

The best way to be happy with someone, is to be happy alone. That way the company will be a matter of choice…not a necessity.

Small Changes…

Although I said I wouldn’t be creating a list of new years resolutions, there is a couple of small things I’d like to try to do this year. I won’t class them as resolutions as they will just be on going improvements. Anyway here goes…

  1. Wear heels more – as a small girl I will always need more height, and what better way to solve this than with fancy shoes or boots! Also they of course add to the sex appeal…not.
  2. Not be on my phone as much – in today’s world we as a whole are anti social or ‘zombie-like’ if you will. So I think this is a good way to begin reconnecting with the world again.
  3. Go out more – I’ve never really been a drinker, but I’ve come to the realisation that I’m only young once. Also as the years go on my body won’t react as well with alcohol as it does when your younger…or so I’ve heard.
  4. Sing – I love to sing! Let it be known not very well, but what’s that to stop me. Confidence can pull off anything. Well almost everything.
  5. Save money! – Travelling isn’t cheap, and seen as it’s one of the things I want to do this year…I really need to save money.
  6. Try and find the perfect foundation – this is a constant battle. I hate spending money on something that never matches. They either dry my face out or turn me into a Oompa Loompa and that’s just not a good look!
  7. Use my camera more! – I love taking photos, I even took the time to set up a Facebook page for it…but I just don’t take enough photos. So from now on I’m going to just go on random walks every so often, plus it means I get to see the hidden areas of lovely Yorkshire!
  8. Listen to more music – I like a bit of everything when it comes to music, but it’s quite rare I just put my iPod on anymore. To add to this I’m also going to try to keep up to date with new music because I always seem to be a hundred years behind everyone else and never know new bands names.
  9. Let go – I try not to do this a lot but there just certain things I can’t seem to let go of, so its time. As Elsa says “let it go”
  10. Don’t over think! – This is just a constant battle as a girl. For some reason we all just seem to have a tendency to think way to far into everything so this year, I’m going to aim to just roll with everything and not think as much…we’ll see how that pans out.

LETS DO IT!

My Zodiac Sign

I was born on the 16th of July, so my star sign is Cancer. One of the definitions for the cancer zodiac sign is…

Cancerians love home-life, family and domestic settings. They are traditionalists, and enjoy operating on a fundamental level. They love history, and are fascinated with the beginnings of things (heraldry, ancestry, etc.). The moon is their ruler, so they can be a bit of a contradiction and sometimes moody. However, they are conservative, so they’ll be apt to hide their moods from others altogether. They have a reputation for being fickle, but they’ll tell you that isn’t true, and it’s not. Cancerians make loyal, sympathetic friends. However Cancerians need alone time, and when they retreat, let them do so on their terms.

This was taken from the site: http://www.whats-your-sign.com/zodiac-signs-and-meanings.html.

I can actually see myself in this description quite a bit. I love being at home, and spending time with my family and offering support where I can…nowhere is like home. I am also interested in history to a degree, and would love to try to create a family tree at some point in my life…however I expect there will be some family secrets that will be uncovered deep down. On the lines of the whole hiding moods thing, I do this at times…sometimes without even realising. It’s just a coping mechanism overall. I’m not sure about the whole loyal and sympathetic part. I do try but whether I actually come across like this is a different thing, we can try to do something nice but than be portrayed in a different way. Then in regards to the final thing mentioned… I do like alone time, more so now then ever before…and sometimes if I don’t get it, it can start to feel a bit suffocating. Strange how a generalisation can be quite relevant at times I guess…

 

Ryan Gosling once told me…

Okay so he didn’t literally tell me this…he rather said it through his character on the film The Notebook…but it still applies!!! He said,

“You can’t live your life for other people. You’ve got to do what’s right for you, even if it hurts some people you love.”

This is something I think a lot of people need to hear. As humans we spend a lot of time not enjoying life as we are trying to please other people around us. Maybe that’s by doing a job you don’t love, living somewhere you don’t love, or the worst one being with someone you don’t love. No matter what the situation, it can apply. For me this is travelling, as I’ve said over and over again. I could get a better job, be on more money, eventually move out, get a better car, and overall a better life. But right now…that isn’t for me (as silly as that sounds).

I want to get out into the world and explore every inch of it, or at least as much as I can. I need to do that for me. I need to experience it. I need to be free…at least for a while. Sometimes we get a little too wrapped up in what we are ‘supposed‘ to do, and not what we ‘want‘ to do. So my aim with this post is to attempt to encourage anyone reading to do what’s right for you! You have your whole life to please other people, but right now “do you, for you”.

Innovation over Creativity

“Creativity is thinking up new things. Innovation is doing new things.”

— Theodore Levitt

In my opinion I think I’m quite creative. I’m creative in the sense I can make things, write things and maybe even see things others wouldn’t. However what I do lack majority of the time is Innovation. You see, I may notice opportunities where creativity is needed but then I fail to act upon them. So to state the obvious it holds me back…quite a lot.

I’m still trying to work on my new years resolutions and one of them was to improve myself. I’ve always thought that the first step to improvement was noticing the issues and this is one of them. Soooooo now I just need to work on it.  In the next few months I hope to start my own YouTube channel, I already have the layout for it and also some video ideas. But there’s one thing stopping me. What to upload for my first video?

I had a couple of ideas, one of them being a thirty-second video of me pretending to do a tutorial of how to eat a starburst with a funny accent, but then my mind starts thinking. What will people think? This will be their first impression of me, and I don’t want to mess up already. Ahh the issues of having a woman brain.

Overall I just want to start doing things, not just dreaming of them. So I think I’m just going to set a deadline to upload the first video and go from there. If all else fails the first videos that go up will be vlogs from my second trip to Iceland. I’ll just have to see how it goes…fingers crossed.

Eczema VS Sun-beds

So I’ve suffered from eczema since I was born. As I got older it seemed to of got more and more controllable, to the point where it was just seasonal and only really became visible in winter due to the sudden change of climate. However this year it doesn’t seem to be going away, and nothing seems to be helping clear it up.

Winter has come and gone and by March my skin would usually of gone back to its normal self. But for some reason this year it just won’t budge. I feel like I’ve tried everything. Different moistursers, steroid creams, bath ointments, and many more treatments. So like with any question I can’t answer, I took to the internet. There was suggestion, after suggestion but the one that caught my eye was to try using a sun-bed.

Now I know the risks of using a sun-bed…but due to my eczema mainly being due to the climate, and me feeling like I’m out of options I thought I should give it a go. So far I’ve only had 4 sessions, each of 6 minutes. But I honestly think it is beginning to help. My skin feels better and definitely looks better with the red patches disappearing, giving me a bit more self-confidence (because let’s be honest having people stare at you, and wonder why you look like a human leopard isn’t exactly a confidence booster). I mean I’m in no way getting a ‘great’ tan from this as I still look quite pale, but as long as my eczema is getting better I don’t mind.

Just as a side note this isn’t a long-term treatment at all and as soon as I feel happy that majority of it has cleared up, I will stop using the sun-beds. Anyway I’ll keep you updated, feel free to give me any feedback or even any suggestions if you or anyone you know struggles with eczema and what they use to clear it up.

 “People will stare . Make it worth their while” – Harry Winston.

A Desperate Heart…

“A desperate heart will seduce the mind” – Mitch Albom

I know I’m going back to Mitch Albom once again, but I honestly love his work. I think he is so smart, and speaks so much truth. For me Mitch Albom is my Morrie Schwartz.

When reading ‘The Time Keeper’ this quote in particular hit me the hardest. I haven’t always been the best version of myself, neither have people around me. But in times of need we lead ourselves to believe we deserve the love we get. When in reality that love could be fake or even doing more harm than good. I know all advice in life starts with the saying ‘follow your heart’ but to be honest your heart isn’t always right. Especially when its fragile or even being manipulated.

In the start of a relationship sometimes you can see it as an escape from bad stuff in other areas of your life…but at some point it can change. Maybe to the extent of the relationship having the opposite effect, and can even do more emotional damage rather than be emotional support. And this can of course be due to a number of reasons. I mean no situation is exactly the same. This ties into a different quote… “We accept the love that we think we deserve.” 

For some reason at some point in life, our minds may tell ourselves that we aren’t good enough. Whether it’s a physical thing or a mental thing. It can happen, and it may not even give you any warning (which of course sucks). You might just not have any self-confidence in yourself, leading you to choose to stay in that situation because of fear. I know you may think choice doesn’t come into it when it’s up against a fear. Fear you won’t find better, fear you aren’t good enough for anyone or anything but you are. If you spoke to friends or family they would tell you exactly that. You are good enough, you are better, and you should never, ever allow anyone to make you feel like your not.

The main point of this post is you have to realise. That’s the first step. Realise you’re in a bad situation and be brave enough to get yourself out of it and get back on the road to recovery. It could be a case that it isn’t even that bad of a situation, and there could be a solution to make the situation better… but If you think you can relate to this post in any way, listen to me when I say this you deserve better. So don’t let your desperate heart seduce your mind, it might be hard at first but you aren’t alone at all. There will be a whole support system you just haven’t uncovered yet.

That’s just my take on the quote anyway, everyone’s view will be different…maybe I thought too much into it *blushes*. Ohh well 🙂