Deception

Life is hard sometimes. The other day I was daydreaming, finding a way to escape reality for a while, when I spotted a tiny spider working on a web. It was carefully creating this perfect and fragile little spider web, putting so much love and dedication into a home for one. I was so captivated by its beauty and patience. In that moment it was just me and that little spider in the world. The spider devising a place to call home, and me the onlooker to this beautiful creation.

Just as I was considering this and taking it all in…a figure behind me took notice of us sharing this moment and with one swift movement ripped the spider’s little web in half. I was devastated. How heartless. The lesson to learn here is that there’s monsters everywhere…even disguised as friends.

Credit to Georgina for being the figure that broke a happy home.

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Daily Blessings

Now I know this is intended as an insightful and possibly inspiring blog but I was stuck with what to write for this blog, and even which direction to go in. So like I do with everything else…I took to google to get some ideas. I then stumbled across an extremely ‘uplifting’ list of blessings we have in life. On this list was things like wisdom, protection, purpose, and free will…to which on this one I read it as ‘free wiFi‘ so in a freak turn of events I’m going to start off with that twist.

  1. Free WiFi – I know this is shallow in someway when we look around at the world at what we’ve been given and the life we have, but I am grateful for free WiFi. I mean firstly because I have a blog…I mean I can’t go a day without checking my stats to see what countries have looked at me. Another good reason for free WiFi is, if what I’m planning takes off (going travelling), I need wi-fi to be able to contact my family without spending money.
  2. Freedom – This ones a bit more profound. I am grateful for freedom. I’m grateful for the freedom to be able to do what I want, wear what I want, and be who I want. There’s so much freedom we have in this life that we don’t realise when compared to others…it’s crazy to think about it.
  3. Nature – It’s a beautiful world we have, and we waste it by being stuck inside doing pointless daily tasks. Theres so much to experience and learn, and it’s right outside our doors.
  4. Having a voice – Everyone has their own opinions, and they have a choice to voice it in a number of ways. Whether people listen or not, the chance of one person listening and it influencing them in some way is massive. So be brave, and maybe even take a stand.
  5. Having support – there’s a lot that happens in life, but even if there’s only one person to offer support it’s normally gratefully accepted. Especially through tough times and even if it’s by doing the smallest act of kindness…it goes a long way…

What if…

Okay so I was hesitant to do this post because lately only one thing of ‘what if’ has been on my mind. And this ‘what if’ includes my ex.

Today would have marked one year that me and my ex had been going out. So It’s funny how this is the day for this particular topic. What’s also strange is that my Mac decided to remind me that it would have been one year today…not sure how that happened because I don’t remember setting a reminder. Oh and to top it off a guy who was the spitting image of my ex came into my place of work yesterday, strange the coincidence but whatever.

So what if? What if I hadn’t broken up with him due to me not feeling like he didn’t trust me? What if that was the one and only person to ever truly love everything about me and I kicked them out of my life? What If we had stayed together, then moved in together and even had a ‘happily ever after’. It’s a difficult one. Firstly because in his opinion he hadn’t done anything and therefore nothing had to be fixed. And secondly because I was lost. I didn’t know what I wanted to do with my life and for me I had to figure that out before I could be happy in any way with anyone…to which I’m still quite unsure.

But it doesn’t stop you wondering what if? What if things had worked out differently and he still wanted me in his life in someway. There’s always questions left unanswered…that’s life.

So what if? That’s it. A question. Left unanswered.

A Desperate Heart…

“A desperate heart will seduce the mind” – Mitch Albom

I know I’m going back to Mitch Albom once again, but I honestly love his work. I think he is so smart, and speaks so much truth. For me Mitch Albom is my Morrie Schwartz.

When reading ‘The Time Keeper’ this quote in particular hit me the hardest. I haven’t always been the best version of myself, neither have people around me. But in times of need we lead ourselves to believe we deserve the love we get. When in reality that love could be fake or even doing more harm than good. I know all advice in life starts with the saying ‘follow your heart’ but to be honest your heart isn’t always right. Especially when its fragile or even being manipulated.

In the start of a relationship sometimes you can see it as an escape from bad stuff in other areas of your life…but at some point it can change. Maybe to the extent of the relationship having the opposite effect, and can even do more emotional damage rather than be emotional support. And this can of course be due to a number of reasons. I mean no situation is exactly the same. This ties into a different quote… “We accept the love that we think we deserve.” 

For some reason at some point in life, our minds may tell ourselves that we aren’t good enough. Whether it’s a physical thing or a mental thing. It can happen, and it may not even give you any warning (which of course sucks). You might just not have any self-confidence in yourself, leading you to choose to stay in that situation because of fear. I know you may think choice doesn’t come into it when it’s up against a fear. Fear you won’t find better, fear you aren’t good enough for anyone or anything but you are. If you spoke to friends or family they would tell you exactly that. You are good enough, you are better, and you should never, ever allow anyone to make you feel like your not.

The main point of this post is you have to realise. That’s the first step. Realise you’re in a bad situation and be brave enough to get yourself out of it and get back on the road to recovery. It could be a case that it isn’t even that bad of a situation, and there could be a solution to make the situation better… but If you think you can relate to this post in any way, listen to me when I say this you deserve better. So don’t let your desperate heart seduce your mind, it might be hard at first but you aren’t alone at all. There will be a whole support system you just haven’t uncovered yet.

That’s just my take on the quote anyway, everyone’s view will be different…maybe I thought too much into it *blushes*. Ohh well 🙂

Dreaming Days Away…

Sometimes…I prefer dreaming to reality.

In dreams anything can happen. You have no worries of money, no thoughts of the future, nothing. In a way it’s like being a child again, unaware of the outside world and all the bad alongside it. It can also allow you the freedom to live in the moment with no restrictions…living in the moment but outside reality. Of course these are all good dreams. Nightmares on the other hand are very different. In some cases it can even put fears you never knew you had into your everyday life, bringing them alive. So it’s best to just keep them away, or even invest in a dream catcher to prevent bad dreams!

The main beauty I find in dreams is that you can occasionally adapt them or even control them, given that you realise you are dreaming. Which occasionally is something that I can do. This is also quite helpful in nightmares though, I mean if your being chased by a zombie you can imagine a gun in your pocket and boom….shot it right in the head. Problem Solved.

Dreaming is just another of my many attempts to escape from reality. Something I see to do a lot of the time…but life can’t wait forever.

“All that happens when your dreams come true is a slow, melting realization that it wasn’t what you thought.” – Mitch Albom, For One Day More.