Travelling Alone

This time last week I had arrived in Portugal, after travelling alone for the first time. Before setting off I was pretty worried. Worried about having a panic attack, as there were certain things that had triggered them off before while travelling. But after all that I ended up getting to Portugal and back with no panic attacks at all. To say the least I am so proud of myself. To be able to do all of that alone and not have any problems definitely made me feel good.

The one thing that really seemed to make a difference is that when travelling alone, more people began to strike up a conversation with me. It was so nice having people helpful and kind at every turn, even something so small as getting my bag and passing it to me really meant a lot. Then getting onto the plane I even got chatting to another first time solo female traveller, which again was really nice to know that I wasn’t alone in the situation. Even when I arrived into Portugal I noticed there was a difference, not just from staff like the driver to the hotel giving me advice on the best places to go, but even the locals just making chitchat.

As a planner I did a lot of research before setting off, like I would wherever I went even if I was with others. But I think this did help as it made me more prepared, especially in case anything went wrong. Maybe that just me being over-cautious, but I’d rather be extra prepared. Heck I’m that prepared sometimes that on the last night I even quickly totalled up all the cost for staying there a couple of extra days…I know how to find a deal!

Overall though I honestly had an amazing time travelling by myself and would recommend for anyone to at least try it once…I’m even considering booking another trip again soon. On the down side there’s no saying that next time I won’t have a panic attack, but at least for now I’m just proud I did it.

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Oopsie

As people, throughout our lives we will hit walls. Not physically but mentally. And I don’t know whether it’s due to getting older or having a lot of time on my hands by having no social life and no relationship…but with more time you notice a lot more. These are small things that generally go unseen to people with busy lives. But it’s one of them things that once you see it, you can’t unsee it.

Now I’ve been single for almost two years now (a long time yeah), and to be honest I don’t hate it. I’m by no means living my life how a single person should live their life, and I’m attempting to tackle that in my own way but that’s not really what this blog is about. This blog is really about sorting out and getting my life in order before that and probably doing a lot of venting to make myself feel better and put my mind at ease a bit.

The first thing I really want to rant about, is being sick of people’s shit. That doesn’t sound as bad as it is. Like yeah I get everyone has problems, heck I’m probably one of the best people to be considerate of that. But once you’ve been mugged off (yes I’ve been watching Geordie shore, so I’m picking up the lingo of a cool Newcastle kid) anyway, once you’ve been mugged off by one friend and someone points it out, it’s only then when you realise it and then in turn see how everyone else has in their own way followed suit.

I mean yeah I understand I’m not the best friend in the world, I cancel plans due to anxiety issues and I won’t always let on. But fuck me, not to toot my own horn but I remember details no one else will bother, I am one of the most loyal and considerate people you could ever meet. Given the chance I will open up as much as possible to anyone that has the time, and will listen and help in any way I can in return. But I’m getting to the point where I really don’t see the point. I don’t want to stop being the way I am because I think it’s a good thing. I mean I’ve already got close to the point where I don’t really see the point in letting any relationships come close to me. But when friends drop you, and start being short with you and ignoring you…what the hell is the actually point. People even do it without realising it.

I think this has been building up inside me for a while now and I’m just done. I don’t even know what else to say. Fuck it.

“Maybe it’s not life that sucks. Maybe it’s just the people you let in your life that suck.” – Unknown

 

Things Customers Do…

So I’m sure a lot of us, for at least even part of our lives has worked in customer service. And let’s be honest even though we may like our jobs…there are times when customers can be annoying as shizzle. So I decided to write a ‘short’ list of things customers do that really…make our day. Enjoy! (Just a side note these are thing’s that mainly happen in the catering side of customer service.)

1.  Customers explaining how to do something…we pretty much do everyday. Look I may look young, but surprisingly I know how to do my job so unless I really look like I’m struggling (in which case I’d ask a colleague and not customer) just keep notes or suggestions to yourself.

2. Customers walking past things and then waiting for us to get them for them. I mean let’s be honest you know, and I know you clocked the knives and forks before you went and sat down. So do us both a favour and maybe pick them up? Especially if we’re already running round like headless chickens.

3. People asking for ‘instant’ coffee. If you come into a cafe where we have a hella expensive coffee machine, and attempt to practice latte art…please just don’t ask for instant. If you really want instant coffee you can pick up a bag from a supermarket, for a cheaper price then what we would charge anyway. I mean to me it just doesn’t make sense.

4. People leaving a mess and not even attempting to clean up a bit. Maybe this is a bit tedious but if I went out with my children (not that I have any) and I ordered a cheese sandwich for my child to which they then decided to make it look like the cheese sandwich  turned into a volcano and erupted everywhere…I’d at least have the decency to try to clear it up a bit…or maybe even just say I’m really sorry my kid’s made quite a bit of mess under that table to one of the staff members. You know just out of respect.

5. Complaining to staff about pricing. Ughhhhhhhhhhh. Yes I know it’s expensive, yes I know back in the day you could get the same thing for about a third of the price, and yes you could go elsewhere and get it cheaper. But to be completely honest surprisingly I have literally NO CONTROL over the pricing. I am not the boss, heck I’m not even the manager. So please do not complain to me. If your that unhappy please create a time machine and travel backwards to when things weren’t so expensive, and while your there please get me an alcoholic beverage for £1. Thank you.

6. Snatching the drink so it spills right at the last second. Look I like making coffee, heck sometimes I’ll even do that little bit extra to make a cute ass leaf on top. Then I will carefully carry my pride and joy over to your table without spilling one little bit. So please do not then snatch the drink out of my hand, causing it to spill and turn my leaf into a mess. I don’t particularly appreciate it.

7. Letting your child scream bloody murder while you continue to chat to your friend at the top of your voice. Look I know mothering can be hard, and I know you’ve probably been up on your feet since 5am or maybe even majority of the night. But please, please, please, please, try to calm your child down. We have customers who complain to us, we can’t focus fully on work we’re trying to do and to be honest I don’t particularly think your kid’s having the time of its life either. I mean heck even if you asked a member of staff to attempt to help, I’m sure we’d try our best.

Now I know it sounds like I have a lot of negatives about working in this job but on the other hand you know we have nice regulars, coffee on tap, cake on discount and maybe even a cheeky bit of eye candy occasionally…so I guess it’s not all bad!

Losing Value

So I was thinking the other day about how the value of an item decreases immediately after you buy it. For example you buy a TV for £400, but by the time you get it home if you then sold it you wouldn’t be able to get the same amount for it due to it being classed as tainted or used…unless you returned it of course.

My thought is, what if we saw everything this way. For example once you asked someone to be your girlfriend or boyfriend, they lost their value. Now I have no doubt this does happen with some people and the way they see it. But how ridiculous would that be. In the end people would become worthless, everything would become worthless…to the point of no return. 

Just strange really…and a late night thought.

Oblivious…

It seems to me that I’ve become a bit oblivious to the world around me lately. I walk around on auto pilot too much, which could be a result of being depressed over the years…or it could be because most of the time I’d prefer to be invisible and therefore I don’t take notice in the hope I don’t get noticed myself. As if over the years I’ve slowly  been backing myself out of society, excusing myself to be ignorant.

But by doing this it appears I’ve been also letting the wrong people in and shutting the best ones off to some extent. So this needs to stop. If anything this blog is basically a reminder to myself. To open your eyes! Don’t go through life without living, without knowing or taking notice. Have more interactions with people, even if it isn’t verbal. Because sometimes its the non verbal communications that can mean the most. Even show a spark between two people.

I feel like I have to remind myself a lot of this…but it’s the only way I know how to work it into my head. I think sometimes I just get lost in a sea of social media. I find myself scrolling through Facebook pointlessly for about an hour, before realising that times now gone. So I think I just need to take a step back from that a bit. Focus more on blogging and photography and just exploring and living really.

Ok. Good chat.

Confusing times.

In yesterday’s blog I briefly mentioned panic attacks. I realised that I’ve never spoken about this before on my blog but since I wrote that I thought I might aswell address the ‘issue’ a bit. So here goes.

So through majority of my life I had never experience panic attacks. I’d of course heard about them but never really knew the extent of them, or what made them happen or anything like that. That was until September last year. So let’s rewind a bit. September 2015; I was 22, I’d been working at the same cafe for around a year when I was told about a job going at a Starbucks pretty close to where I lived. This sounded pretty good to me. I’d worked at a Starbucks before while I was at university and really liked it. Since I’d worked with coffee since I was 16, I liked the idea of getting to know more about the different blends, the origins and even the different drinks as they seemed a bit more ‘exotic’ in comparison to the standard americano and latte. It just seemed more specialised, and of course my job title looked a bit more impressive too going from shop assistant to barista. So to go back into that and having something I was more specialised in, with the opportunity to move up in the business sounded amazing and perfect for the direction I wanted to go in.

So I went to the interview, got offered the job, and as soon as I knew it I’d had a trial shift and had left my old job before fully starting this new one. Which was great in theory, having about a week off for myself before getting into the new job. That was until I started getting ready for my first day. I’d got as far as putting on my uniform and then before I knew it I was sat on the bathroom floor, crying my eyes out, unable to move. I honestly had no idea what was going on. Why my body was really doing this, or how to make it stop. After texting my sister out of fear, she came to the bathroom to talk to me and try to calm me down. I felt like a complete idiot…but I had no idea why really.

After talking to a friend of mine and ‘googling’ (a bad idea normally I know) I realised that what had happened was that I’d had a panic attack. But I still couldn’t understand what had triggered it off or anything. Anyway I called in work, told them I was ill and they told me when to be in next. To me that was that, I’d go in on the next shift and everything would be fine. I was wrong. It happened again and again. Every single time I tried to go to my job. To the point where my new manager stopped getting in touch with me. I was so angry with myself. I couldn’t believe I’d thrown a job away because of this stupid thing my body was doing.

After that I decided to go to the doctors. To see if there was anyway I could prevent this from happening again, for when I got my next job. The doctor basically said that these panic attacks could be brought on by anything for example a new job or stress. After that I started thinking about the job and wondering why that would have triggered it and why now? I’d changed jobs in the past and never seemed to have any problems. The only thing I could really remember is that even though it was a big team at Starbucks (like the cafe) barely anyone made me feel welcome by trying to make conversation or anything. Looking back now it seems subconsciously I’d built it up in my head as sort of a stress factor, as if no one was trying because they didn’t want me there. It sounds stupid…but that’s the only thing I could put it down to. I’d gone from an environment where everyone went out of their way to acknowledge you, to a place that in a way just felt cold.

Anyway I eventually went back to the cafe I previously worked, and I’m still there now, still enjoying the environment and the people in it…even If I can’t really progress in it, but plans change I guess. Thankful I didn’t have any panic attacks coming back into this job. But I still have them occasionally, for example when I met a guy for the first time…as you can imagine that went down a treat! Oh and I still don’t really know how to control them, I’m just learning to deal with them better I guess…

Thing’s No One Has Time For! 😓

As a constant user of many social media platforms, it becomes very apparent when a problem occurs with it or if something just isn’t worth the hassel…so here’s a list of five things that I find wrong with social media.

  1. Blowing things out of proportion: this is a pretty obvious one that happens daily. Whether it’s something ridiculous like a celebrity relationship, or just general media. Somehow, someone somewhere creates it into something it’s not…when really that time could be spent evaluating real hard-hitting news.
  2. Links that bounce back up when trying to scroll: the amount of time I’ve spent trying to find out the tiniest bit of information. I mean it can’t just be me that gets annoyed with it and people must complain so why doubt they sort it out 😩.
  3. Links that give you one sentence of information over so many pages: I mean why? Just why? I could understand it for click purposes to track how many people go on your site but surely it gives you that information when you click on the link in the first place…
  4. Twitter fame: ok this is more personal. I really don’t understand how people who barely use the app get so many followers. It really confuses me…like how? Just how?
  5. Private profiles: now I get that most of the time private profiles are for safety…but some times people just want to be nosey. I mean for example when someone follows you on instagram and you want to see who’s followed and you can’t because theirs is private…I mean come on dude your stalking me let me stalk you back 😂.

Anywaayyy I’ll stop ranting now. I just get annoyed sometimes 😓.