Ass kicking…

In contrast to yesterday’s post, this is about something I think its going well right now. That, is being single. I know I can complain about being single…but I am in fact enjoying it. More than I used to at least.

There was a quote I used to think about near the end of my last relationship,”You can’t love someone else, until you love yourself”. That’s not to say I didn’t love my ex, because I did. It just means I needed to learn to love myself more than I did. I felt lost back then, I still do now but I think being alone has helped in a way. I’ve had time to myself, time to develop and improve as a person. So that the next time I fall in love (If I do) I can really give everything to that person.

So yeah, I’m happy right now. Being single is kicking ass 🙂

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My Letter…

Dear Someone,

Having to write a random letter reminds me of the time I had to write letters to my ‘friends’ on animal crossing…even though I knew they didn’t understand english normally. Being set to write a letter with no topic is pretty hard. I never really know what to say. I could update you on how life is going in Natalie World…but to be honest there’s not a lot going on. I’m still single which isn’t really a bad thing, as right now I’m not sure I’m really capable of giving someone else emotional attention (this leads me into thinking I may be becoming a heartless bitch). I still have a cafe job…which isn’t really where I thought I’d be at twenty-two. It’s comfortable and nice, but it’s not really mind-blowing. I still live at home, which again is nice because I like seeing them everyday but at the same time I miss living alone at times. My money situation sucks, I have things to save for, things to pay off, holidays I want to go on, a new car I’d like but nowhere near enough money for any of them. Trying to find another job sucks! Most places won’t take me due to no experience in the area, and I always feel like any jobs that do actually want me are a step in the wrong direction to where I want to be. And on the social side of things most nights I’d rather be in bed watching tv, than going out and getting drunk with friends…like a lot of people my age. I’m just stuck I guess, and maybe set in my ways a bit in other areas. Not very interesting really…anyway until next time friend?

xx

August In London

I’ve been to London many times before. Many times this year even. But this time was different…for a number of reasons.

One I was going with someone I’d never been with before, two I was spending a lot of the time travelling around on my own on the tube, and three it was a bit more spontaneous. Now I’ll begin with the last point. I am a planner. I write stuff down, I circle places I’m going, I make a note of which tube lines and tube stations and even roughly how long it would take me to get there. I don’t know why…maybe its how I’m brought up. But I have to say wandering around London with nowhere to go and nothing really in mind to do was…nice. Watching all the busy people rush past with places to be and a time to be there for, it’s as if I was in slow motion as life was speeding past. In a way that for me was relaxing. I guess this is the first step of me trying to get out of planner mode…or at least be a little bit more flexible.

Now onto the travelling alone section. I’m used to travelling alone. I do it a lot at home, on the bus, on trains or even just walking. But London. To point out the obvious London is massive. Meaning it’s very VERY easy to get lost, and with me only being small it makes it even easier. I mean on one hand I was excited to go to London just to disappear into the crowds, lose myself a bit. But in reality getting lost in London isn’t something I planned on doing. The scary bit for me wasn’t the walking around. The fear was the underground. I’ve seen ‘The Creep’ and I am open to the possibilities of monsters that live down there (even though it is a bit far fetched) so travelling alone was worrying at times. On the serious side of things though I saw the London Bombings back in 2005 and being down there with no reception and no way of telling someone I love them in the last few minutes is of course terrifying to anyone who takes the time to think about it. Maybe it’s because I’m a girl. I mean we all must know by now majority of girls think way too into things. But still you have to be prepared for the worst, otherwise you will panic if it ever did happen.

To go back to the first point I made about why this time was different. Like I said I went with someone I’d never been with before. I think this was the most important part of what made the trip as good as it was.

“Most of us all walk around as if we’re sleepwalking. We really don’t experience the world fully, because we’re half-asleep, doing things we automatically think we have to do.” – Mitch Albom, Tuesdays with Morrie.