Confusing times.

In yesterday’s blog I briefly mentioned panic attacks. I realised that I’ve never spoken about this before on my blog but since I wrote that I thought I might aswell address the ‘issue’ a bit. So here goes.

So through majority of my life I had never experience panic attacks. I’d of course heard about them but never really knew the extent of them, or what made them happen or anything like that. That was until September last year. So let’s rewind a bit. September 2015; I was 22, I’d been working at the same cafe for around a year when I was told about a job going at a Starbucks pretty close to where I lived. This sounded pretty good to me. I’d worked at a Starbucks before while I was at university and really liked it. Since I’d worked with coffee since I was 16, I liked the idea of getting to know more about the different blends, the origins and even the different drinks as they seemed a bit more ‘exotic’ in comparison to the standard americano and latte. It just seemed more specialised, and of course my job title looked a bit more impressive too going from shop assistant to barista. So to go back into that and having something I was more specialised in, with the opportunity to move up in the business sounded amazing and perfect for the direction I wanted to go in.

So I went to the interview, got offered the job, and as soon as I knew it I’d had a trial shift and had left my old job before fully starting this new one. Which was great in theory, having about a week off for myself before getting into the new job. That was until I started getting ready for my first day. I’d got as far as putting on my uniform and then before I knew it I was sat on the bathroom floor, crying my eyes out, unable to move. I honestly had no idea what was going on. Why my body was really doing this, or how to make it stop. After texting my sister out of fear, she came to the bathroom to talk to me and try to calm me down. I felt like a complete idiot…but I had no idea why really.

After talking to a friend of mine and ‘googling’ (a bad idea normally I know) I realised that what had happened was that I’d had a panic attack. But I still couldn’t understand what had triggered it off or anything. Anyway I called in work, told them I was ill and they told me when to be in next. To me that was that, I’d go in on the next shift and everything would be fine. I was wrong. It happened again and again. Every single time I tried to go to my job. To the point where my new manager stopped getting in touch with me. I was so angry with myself. I couldn’t believe I’d thrown a job away because of this stupid thing my body was doing.

After that I decided to go to the doctors. To see if there was anyway I could prevent this from happening again, for when I got my next job. The doctor basically said that these panic attacks could be brought on by anything for example a new job or stress. After that I started thinking about the job and wondering why that would have triggered it and why now? I’d changed jobs in the past and never seemed to have any problems. The only thing I could really remember is that even though it was a big team at Starbucks (like the cafe) barely anyone made me feel welcome by trying to make conversation or anything. Looking back now it seems subconsciously I’d built it up in my head as sort of a stress factor, as if no one was trying because they didn’t want me there. It sounds stupid…but that’s the only thing I could put it down to. I’d gone from an environment where everyone went out of their way to acknowledge you, to a place that in a way just felt cold.

Anyway I eventually went back to the cafe I previously worked, and I’m still there now, still enjoying the environment and the people in it…even If I can’t really progress in it, but plans change I guess. Thankful I didn’t have any panic attacks coming back into this job. But I still have them occasionally, for example when I met a guy for the first time…as you can imagine that went down a treat! Oh and I still don’t really know how to control them, I’m just learning to deal with them better I guess…

Advertisements

Liebster Award!

Nomination…

I was nominated by the amazing Daniella, from https://makeupyourmindx.wordpress.com. Thank you for the nomination! I’ve been reading blogs about this, but never thought I’d get nominated. You have a great blog, that’s worth everyone checking out! Also I apologise for not using the questions you provided I made a whoopsie and didn’t read past the questions you answered on your blog until after I wrote this (secret facepalm).

So what is the Liebster Award?

The Liebster Award is basically an award you get nominated for by a fellow blogger, if you have under 200 followers. You then answer 11 questions provided by that blogger, and then nominate 5-11 other bloggers providing them with another 11 questions of your choice. From my understanding the aim is to spread the word about bloggers you follow, and suggest them to other people. Overall creating a type of promotion for a number of bloggers to allow them to get more followers, or to just get their writing noticed more. I personally think this is a great way to build up a community and whoever created it is a genius in the blogosphere.

My Questions

1. Why did you start blogging? I started blogging for a number of reasons. Firstly I’ve always liked writing and sharing random thoughts, and through blogging you can also generate good feedback in relation to these thoughts. Secondly I finished University, and through university you do a lot of essays, so once that I finished I had a bit of a gap in my life (plus i think one of the best noises in the world is the sound of a keyboard  being used). Finally I have an aspiration to start a YouTube channel and I think in some ways this could be a good platform to launch that a bit.

2. What is your favourite beauty product? My favourite at the moment is the CC Cream by ‘GOSH’ in 02 Ivory, I just think it makes my face feel so soft and look amazing! Especially when my eczema gets bad, it really helps the red patches appear ‘normal’.

3. Do you have any siblings? Yes I have an older sister called Charlotte who is 25, and she is amazing!

4. Most embarrassing moment of your life? I have too many to list, I think overall I am just a very clumsy person and in some ways a bit socially awkward which of course does me no favours.

5. What are three words you would use to describe yourself? Small, observant and polite.

6. Do you have any pets? I personally have a cat, and two gerbils. However the total number of animals at my house including those 3 is 7 (I counted the tropical fish as 1 pet).

7. What is your favorite season and why? Summer. The days seem long. The nights seem long. There’s nicer clothing to be worn. Overall more opportunities for different activities.

8. Favorite article of clothing? I don’t really have a favourite. You can’t go wrong with checked shirt during the day, and a nice chiffon dress at night (if you are going somewhere).

9. What is a hobby of yours? Taking pictures. I wouldn’t class myself as a photographer because I don’t think I’m anywhere near as skilled as I should be, but it is something I really enjoy. Take a look at my Instagram 😉

10. Name one thing you can’t live without? Air? (I know I’m SO funny!)

11. Favorite food? Chicken, pizza, ice cream, corn on the cob, cake, pulled pork, chips, chilli…. My name is Natalie…and I’m a foodaholic

Questions to my nominees:

  1. Why did you start a blog?
  2. Do you have any siblings?
  3. What’s your one main goal in life?
  4. Do you have any pets?
  5. What are your hobbies?
  6. If you could travel anywhere where would it be and why?
  7. Best beauty product?
  8. What is your favorite film?
  9. If you could invite anyone in the world (dead or alive) to dinner who would it be and why?
  10. What 3 things must you carry in your bag at all times?
  11. What is your favourite quote?